Ministry's Hard, Wear A Helmet

My husband is a pastor. A youth pastor to be precise.

My father is a pastor. I grew up a PK (pastor's kid, for those of you not familiar with that term). I love my Dad and think he is the best Dad a girl could ask for. Yet I was always pretty firm on the idea that I didn't want to marry a pastor. I didn't want that lifestyle, and believe me, it's not just your husband's job, it's a whole different lifestyle!

This is my son's bike helmet, Claudio coloured the front, Lemon Boy coloured the top and sides.

God didn't change my plans. I didn't end up marrying a pastor, I married a house painter. Claudio worked full-time as a house painter for the first five years of our marriage. Then, through a variety of circumstances, which I do believe was God directly leading him, Claudio was asked to step into the role of youth ministry at our church. This was the right choice for him, for us and for our family. I know this.

There are still times though, when I wish my husband had a different job.

Don't get me wrong. I love our church. Claudio has received a lot of encouragement from people in the congregation and the office staff is fantastic. I thank God for the amazing people He has placed in my husband's life.

Here's the hard thing about being a Pastor's wife.

I am not the typical pastor's wife. I don't play piano, lead the singing, home school my kids and *gasp* I'm not even a stay-at-home-mom! This is out of necessity, not because I want to work full-time (but I'm okay with it, for the most part).

Yet I have literally had someone say to my face that it should be the pastor's wife's responsibility to lead the women's ministry in the church, that she (the pastor's wife) HAD to have an official role in a ministry in the church because of her husband's position. I don't think this person was thinking about the fact that I am, in fact, a pastor's wife when they said it. They were talking in general terms but I felt the sting regardless.

I am not any more organized than the next person (in fact, probably less) I don't have the gift of gab and I don't make friends easily. I am not on the church's payroll but I do organize the nursery, sing back-up vocals during worship, teach Sunday school on a rotation and as of September, will lead the 4 & 5 year olds in kid's club. I do all the above activities with a (mostly) thankful heart. I love the ministries that I am part of and I'm part of them because of what God's doing in my life, NOT because of what my husband's line of work is.

It is the expectation of what people think the pastor's wife should or shouldn't be doing that can be overwhelming.

It is also the expectation of what people think the Pastor should or shouldn't be doing that can also be overwhelming as a pastor's wife. Has someone criticized a family member of yours lately? Didn't it make your hackles rise even more quickly than if they had been criticizing you?

Ministry's hard, wear a helmet

Ephesians 6:17 "And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit"

I think anyone who is in ministry can relate. I'm not just talking about Pastors and their wives. I'm talking about Elders, Children's Ministry Leaders, Sunday School teachers, Deacons, Worship Leaders, Bible Study Leaders, etc. "The music is too loud/too boring" "We sing too many/not enough hymns" "The children are not being taught in the right way, they should be doing more/less of _______ activity" "The church should start this ministry or that ministry, why aren't you doing this or that?"

I run the nursery in our church, organize volunteers, make up the schedule and quite often I spend Sunday mornings in there when volunteers don't show up or there are more kids than normal . I do the best I can with the space I'm given, there is no window to the sanctuary and although the sermon can be heard through speakers, the sound is not the best (plus with watching a bunch of babies and toddlers, who can really concentrate on listening to the sermon?) I had a Grandpa tell me the other day that he sent his daughter and granddaughter to a different church because they have a better nursery and she (the daughter) shouldn't have to volunteer in the nursery because she works all week and the last thing she feels like doing on Sunday morning is miss the service because she's volunteering in the nursery. Umm... Really? I can't IMAGINE how that would feel. *sigh* Very discouraging for this ministry leader.

So what should I do?

Ephesians 6:11 "Put on all of God's armour so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil." NLT

One of Satan's greatest tools is discouragement. Unfortunately, sometimes this discouragement comes from other believers. I'm not saying that the Grandfather whose comments discouraged me is being used by the devil. I'm saying the devil used his words to sow discouragement in me. I wanted to throw up my hands and quit. There have been times in Claudio's ministry here at our church that I have wanted him to throw up his hands and quit.

Ephesians 6:13-18 "Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere."

God's way is not the easy way. Sometimes we will get discouraged, frustrated and if we don't check ourselves this can so easily lead to bitterness, which is a tough root to remove. I have been struggling with this lately. I had become angry, frustrated and easily annoyed by little things because my heart was starting to be weighed down by bitterness and resentment.

Psalm 51:10 "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

I don't want that root of bitterness to invade my heart and life. I want the freedom that comes from Jesus, His Grace, Love and Mercy.

I am thankful for the ministry that God has placed both Claudio and I in and I'm choosing to be thankful for all the blessings that have accompanied it instead of focusing on the negative aspects.

For those of you who go to church, take a minute this week to encourage someone in ministry in your church. You may never realize the encouragement that you offer may be exactly what they need to hear.

Spread the Love, Linking up with What Joy is Mine and Time-warp Wife




I should mention that the title of this post came from another pastor's wife's blog. It was just so fitting I had to use it (I wrote her first).