Parent of the Year

We got a new, very large garbage bin about a year and a half ago and the first day we had it, before any garbage was put in the bin, I (being the incredibly fun/cool Mom that I am) put Lemon Boy in it. He thought it was the best thing ever and every day after that would ask me to put him back in the bin. Of course this was impossible now that we were using it for garbage! About a week later I was trying to get Lemon Boy off to school. As he walked past the garbage bin he started begging and whining for me to put him in it again. We were, as usual, almost late for school and I kept walking to the car, yelling for him to come. I made it to the car and was standing there, yelling for Lemon Boy to get over here, NOW! He was standing by the bin, crying and wailing. I was so frustrated, I started walking back towards him with very angry intentions. Luckily for me, as I was walking back I actually started listening to what he was crying about and realized it was all due to his finger being caught between the lid and bucket and not only was he stuck but the fingernail was already starting to turn purple and blue. *sigh* Not my finest moment

I've had several discussions with friends regarding how hard it is to be a parent and how so often we feel like a failure. Sometimes I think I'm too harsh and the next moment, too lenient. I want to allow Lemon Boy and Googa the freedom to be who they are but I feel like I'm always hovering and correcting them. I get angry over small things, frustrated when they don't immediately listen to my instructions and am impatient when it's my own fault we're running late.

Then there's the judgment from people around you. My sons are too rough, too rowdy and don't listen. Lemon Boy doesn't sit still, gets in other people's space and loves to bug. The Googa has quite a mind of his own and he's not afraid to let it show! Don't get me wrong, I've had lots of encouragement from friends and family telling me what great kids I have and that they are fun to be around but somehow it's always the negative comments that stick.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I wonder how I will ever train my sons to be responsible adults and how will I make it to that point without causing irreversible damage to my children.  Why did God choose me to raise two rambunctious boys? Couldn't I have gotten at least one quiet child who could be rebuked with just a look, instead of me having to chase, catch and then hold him still so he can calm down enough to listen to me?

Then of course, there's the big, scary world out there (like I needed more to stress about!) Bullies, childhood illness, learning disabilities, cancer, strangers, abductions, dog bites, ADHD, vaccines (do they cause Autism?) pedophiles, non-organic fruits and veggies (am I poisoning my children because I don't buy them unless they're on sale?) etc, etc. There are so many things that could go wrong and so many ways my kids could get hurt. Sometimes the scariness of just having kids makes me want to hide in my bed with my head under the covers and lock the kids up until they're 25.

So what to do? I've started reading many books on child (specifically boy) raising. I worry and pray and hope that I will be able to show my boys what it means to love Jesus and be a follower of Christ. I try to model patience, love and forgiveness. And sometimes I fail, I fall and I despair.

I think all parents have these moments, moments where you wonder why on earth you thought having kids was a good idea and why did God "bless me" with this kid(s) that I have NO IDEA what to do with?? I recently read a book called Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas. His premise is that God uses our children to grow US as Christians. We will all feel inadequate at some point and it is then that we turn to Him and though His strength we carry on.

As parents we also need to stop worrying about what others think about our children and stop judging other children and their parents. It is so easy to look at other parents and their children and think "Wow, they are so good/bad. Those parents must do everything right/wrong!" No family is perfect (despite how they may appear) and when we expect our family to be perfect or to "look good" then we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment.

Parent/child relationships are complicated. Families are messy (look at Abraham/Isaac/Jacob, God's chosen family, they were a dysfunctional nightmare!) but God can use us and our children and HE will! Our kids may or may not turn out the way we hope. They may rebel, test us and occasionally (or often!) make us want to pull our hair out. BUT they have been chosen by God to be our son or daughter. HE designed them and made them exactly the way He wanted. God does not make mistakes. Isn't that a reassuring thought? God designed you and your child. He does not make mistakes. He knew how hard this would be, He is molding you into who He wants you to be.

You can turn to Him for the strength you need to make it through today. For  the wisdom to know what to do when your child finds yet another way to push your hot button and for the patience to wipe up yet another spilled glass of milk, without yelling, despite how many times you told them not to climb on the table! Even if you've never prayed before, God is always waiting to listen and speak to you.