Confession

I worry...



A LOT.



About all sort of things, my kids, my job, Claudio's job, saving for retirement, future of the world, state of the wiring in my house and why the lights above my computer randomly stop working and only light up again when Claudio gives them a knock.

I have described myself as a walking stressball on more than one occasion. And I do think the description fits.

Do people like me? Dislike me? Do they even know who I am?

True story: We had been attending our church for over three years, Claudio had been the youth pastor there for over a year and one day after the service a long-time attender asked me if it was my first sunday at FGT. Yeah, it was a little awkward when I said no, actually I'm the youth pastor's wife.

There is not a day that goes by where I don't find something to fret about. I blame this on my first-born, control freak tendencies, which, by the way, also causes me to worry that I am worrying too much and will make myself and my family crazy. Umm... yes, vicious cycle going on here.

So what does all this worrying do for me? Constant kinks in my neck, heart palpitations, tiredness, stress on my children from me hovering over them in a state of worry. The list goes on.

When I actually wrote all of this down it seemed a little silly. All this worrying and really all I get from it is health issues and children who think their mother is no fun. Is this what I want from life?

It felt worse when I picked up my Bible and read this:

Matthew 6:25-27  “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

But strangely, when I read those verses again, it started to feel better.

Worrying does not accomplish anything! When I really take the time to think about that, it changes my perspective. When I worry, I am wasting my time. Bad things can happen, and yes they do happen. We can be let down, we may let others down. My house may burn to the ground from faulty wiring, my sons may chose a different path then the one I would like for them. These things may or may not happen but me worrying about them ahead of time does not change one thing.

I'm not saying that we don't need to plan ahead, that we shouldn't be diligent about preparing for the future.

What I am saying is that worrying about what will happen to our kids if Claudio and I were in an accident is pointless. Having a properly prepared will outlining who we want to be their guardian and having life insurance is proper planning. The next step is to gather up all my worries and give them to God. Tell Him in prayer and then trust that He is in control. If you think I say this lightly, I don't. I know we live in a broken world, I see the evidence all around.

Yet, I want to trust Him more. I want to stop wasting time worrying about life and more time living it. God, help me to remember to trust in You.

Look at these two munchkins! They are so precious and have taught me so much about love and trust. I love their playful spirits and zest for life. We are all children of God. Lord, help me to be a little more like these boys.